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(and some maybe not as weird as we think) if not we hope they amuse you |
| A Bucharest hotel lobby | The lift is being fixed for the next day During that time we regret that you will be unbearable. |
| A Yugoslavian hotel | The flattening of underwear with pleasure is the job of the chambermaid |
| A Japanese hotel | You are invited to take advantage of the chambermaid |
| A lobby of a Moscow hotel | You are welcome to visit the cemetary where famous Russian and Soviet composers, artists, and writers are buried daily except Thursday |
| On the menu of a Swiss restaurant | Our wines leave you nothing to hope for |
| A Bangkok dry cleaners | Drop your trousers here for best results |
| A Paris dress shop | Dresses for street walking |
| In Germany's Black Forest | It is strictly forbidden on our black forest camping site that people of different sex, for instance, men and women, live together in one tent unless they are married with each other for that |
| A Copenhagen airline ticket office | We take your bags and send them in all directions |
| A Norwegian cocktail lounge | Ladies are requested not to have children in the bar |
| In the office of a Roman doctor | Specialist in women and other diseases |
| In an Acapulco hotel | The manager has personally passed all the water served here |
| Majorcan shop entrance | English well speaking Here speeching American |
| A Polish tourist brochure | As for the tripes serves you at the Hotel Monopol, you will be singing its praise to your children as you lie on your deathbed |
| In a Tokyo Hotel | Is forbidden to steal hotel towels please. If you are not a person to do such thing is please not to read notis |
| In a Leipzig elevator | Do not enter the lift backwards, and only when lit up |
| In a Belgrade hotel elevator | To move the cabin, push button for wishing floor. If the cabin should enter more persons, each one should press a number of wishing floor. Driving is then going alphabetically by national order |
| In a Paris hotel elevator | Please leave your values at the front desk |
| In a hotel in Athens | Visitors are expected to complain at the office between the hours of 9 and 11 am daily |
| In an Austrian hotel catering to skiers | Not to perambulate the corridors in the hours of repose in the boots of ascension |
| On the menu of a Polish hotel | Salad a firm's own make; limpid red beet soup with cheesy dumplings in the form of a finger; roasted duck let loose; beef rashers beaten up in the country people's fashion |
| Outside a Hong Kong tailor shop | Ladies may have a fit upstairs |
| In a Rhodes tailor shop | Order your summers suit. Because is big rush we will execute customers in strict rotation |
| In a Zurich hotel | Because of the impropriety of entertaining guests of the opposite sex in the bedroom, it is suggested that the lobby be used for this purpose |
| In an advertisement by a Hong Kong dentist | Teeth extracted by the latest Methodists |
| In a Rome laundry | Ladies, leave your clothes here and spend the afternoon having a good time |
| In a Czechoslovakian tourist agency | Take one of our horse-driven city tours - we guarantee no miscarriages |
| Advertisement for donkey rides in Thailand | Would you like to ride on your own ass? |
| In a Swiss mountain inn | Special today No ice cream |
| On the door of a Moscow hotel room | If this is your first visit to the USSR, you are welcome to it |
| In a Budapest zoo | Please do not feed the animals. If you have any suitable food, give it to the guard on duty |
| In a Tokyo shop | Our nylons cost more than common, but you'll find they are best in the long run |
| From a Japanese information booklet about using a hotel air conditioner | Cooles and Heates: If you want just condition of warm in your room, please control yourself |
| From a brochure of a car rental firm in Tokyo | When passenger of foot heave in sight, tootle the horn. Trumpet him melodiously at first, but if he still obstacles your passage then tootle him with vigor |
| At a Santa Fe gas station | We will sell gasoline to anyone in a glass container |
| In a New York restaurant | Customers who consider our waitresses uncivil ought to see the manager |
| On the wall of a Baltimore estate | Trespassers will be prosecuted to the full extent of the law Sisters of Mercy |
| On a long-established New Mexico dry cleaners | 38 years on the same spot |
| In a Los Angeles dance hall | Good clean dancing every night but Sunday |
| In a Florida maternity ward | No children allowed |
| In a New York drugstore | We dispense with accuracy |
| In the offices of a loan company | Ask about our plans for owning your home |
| In a New York medical building | Mental Health Prevention Center |
| On a New York convalescent home | For the sick and tired of the Episcopal Church |
| On a Maine shop | Our motto is to give our customers the lowest possible prices and workmanship |
| At a number of military bases | Restricted to unauthorized personnel |
| On a display of "I love you only" Valentine cards | Now available in multi-packs |
| In the window of a Kentucky appliance store | Don't kill your wife. Let our washing machine do the dirty work |
| In a funeral parlor | Ask about our layaway plan |
| In a clothing store | Wonderful bargains for men with 16 and 17 necks |
| In a Tacoma, Washington men's clothing store | 15 men's wool suits, $10 They won't last an hour! |
| On a shopping mall marquee | Archery Tournament Ears pierced |
| Outside a country shop | We buy junk and sell antiques |
| In the window of an Oregon store | Why go elsewhere and be cheated when you can come here? |
| In a Maine restaurant | Open 7 days a week and weekends |
| On a radiator repair garage | Best place to take a leak |
| In the vestry of a New England church | Will the last person to leave please see that the perpetual light is extinguished |
| In a Pennsylvania cemetery | Persons are prohibited from picking flowers from any but their own graves |
| On a roller coaster | Watch your head |
| On the grounds of a public school | No trespassing without permission |
| On a Tennessee highway | When this sign is under water, this road is impassable |
| In front of a New Hampshire car wash | If you can't read this, it's time to wash your car |
| Sign at a gas station/Mini mart: | |
| Sign at a science supply store: | |
| The Simpsons |
Springfield Auto Show We salute the American worker |
Springfield Nuclear Power Plant As seen on 60 minutes |
Blood Donors Needed We buy blood Turkey day special $12.00 |
The Lucky Stiff Funeral Home "We put the fun in funeral" |
Stinking Fish Realty With a name this bad |
Toxic Waste Do not eat |
| Happy Hour: 5:00 to 5:30 |
| Give a hoot! Read a book |
Home Security Trust We're not a Saving & Loan |
Grandma's World For the old lady in all of us |
| Merry Widow Insurance Co |
New Bedlam Rest home for the emotionally interesting |
Ye Olde Off-Ramp Inn We're now Rat-Free! |
| I Can't Believe it's a Law Firm! |
Ladies Night Unescorted ladies drink free |
| Krusty's non-narkotik Kough Syrup for Kids |
Springfield Martial Arts Academy Springfield Mall - next to |
Yiddle's Practical jokes, magic tricks, and medical supplies |
Discount Lion Safari If you can find a cheaper lion, you must be in Africa |
| Clumsy Student Movers |
| Who's to Know Motel |
| Get a mammogram, man! |
| Jittery Joe's Coffee Shop |
Prohibition got you Down? Drink Doctor Duff's Health Tonic |
Friends don't let friends drive It's always time for Duff |
The Krusty Home Pregnancy Test Warning: May cause birth defects! |
| Krusty brand sulfuric acid |
Springfield Retirement Castle Where the elderly can hide from the inevitable |
Wall E. Weasel's (pizza place) We cram fun down your throat |
Springfield Penitentiary America's fastest growing prison |
| Native American
Ice Cream (formerly "Big Chief Crazy Cone") |
Springfield Mystery Spot Where logic takes a holiday and all laws of nature are meaningless |
Diz-Nee-Land Not affiliated with Disneyland, Disney World, or anything else from the Walt Disney Company |
Springfield Sperm Bank Put your sperm in our hands |
Entering Badlands High-speed chases use diamond lane |
| Simply Shoes and athletic equipment, and active wear |
Temple Beth Springfield Rabbi Hyman Krustofski |
Movie Titles: I'll Fry Your Face III The Smell in Room 19 Honey, I hit a School Bus Look Who's Oinking The Stockholm Affair Ernest vs The Pope XXX Sperm of Endearment For Your Thighs Only Crocodile Done me |
VHS Village Formerly the beta barn |
| Veterans of popular wars |
| Video Tapes: Football's Greatest Injuries |
| Cathedral of
the Downtown: Archbishop Carries Less Than $20 |
Krusty's Non Toxic Kologne Warning: use in a well-ventilated area |
Pool Sharks Where the Buyer is our Chum |
Gummy Bears candy that hibernates in your colon |
Springfield Psychiatric Center "Because there may not be bugs on you" |
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